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the glow of our glory. [Sunday
April 4th, 2010
2:08am
]

venturablue
[ mood | nostalgic ]

i remember standing in front of a mid-nineties model dodge neon. it's november, and it's cold. i'd been riding on buses for days to get to you, and after six years apart this was not quite how i had envisioned things. the hood's open, held up by a black metal rod. I'm leaning over the engine block, haphazardly spraying starter fluid. you're sitting in the passenger seat, pleading with your car to start, directing me to spray as needed. "SPRAY!" you command, and so i spray. and i spray. this must go on for about 10 minutes, much to our dismay. my finger feels numb from holding down the nozzle on the can. however, the planets must have aligned, because the engine catches, and i run around the side of the car to get back in. "we did it!" i proclaim victoriously, and we high five. and in the glow of our glory, the light in your eyes (nothing on this planet is as blue as your eyes, not even the sky.) goes from bright to smouldering, and i think to myself "yes, this is it. he is seriously about to kiss me. this is the stuff of great american novels." my heart's just a-racing, and i see you leaning ever so slowly towards my face, gazing at my lips. i decide to take matters into my own hands by quickly (quicker than i meant to) pressing my lips against yours. i fight a smile, knowing how un-smooth i am. you pretend not to notice, your mouth still on mine, my heart trying to escape my chest cavity. we come apart, unable to hide our smiles. you take my hand, and we drive. i wonder what my fourteen year old self would be saying, right about now, if she could see me. certainly, she'd be basking in the glow of our glory.

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[Saturday
January 26th, 2008
9:40pm
]

sunodekai08
I remember the day that they made up their mind to split up. It was my older sister's birthday. I woke up early in the morning because I heard someone sobbing and I instantly knew what happened. Without any thought, I started crying too. I cried my heart out. I wished that somehow they could resolve it. I knew I was being selfish for wishing that we'd all still be living under the same roof.  A few days after, to cheer us up, you decided to go out as a whole family even if its for the last time. We decided to go the Zoo since they haven't been their since we got here in Canada. We walked around and we enjoyed it even though there was something weighing down my heart. Before we left, we checked out the souvenir store. I got an elephant keychain with a big head, small body and big puppy eyes. I named him Jim because I wanted to name him after my dad(its his nickname). After the zoo, we had dinner. You said you wanted celebrate because it was your birthday. Everybody in the car knew what you meant but for some reason, I just didn't get it because I know its not your birthday. I asked you if you were serious but you just gave me a small, sad smile and I finally understood. I remember tearing up. We had dinner like its just any other day. I remember saying something and you laughed. You were always such a serious person and it made me happy that I made you laugh like that. Everybody was so quiet when you dropped us off. After you gave us hugs, I know that my sisters and I teared up. And I cried so hard that night.
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[Sunday
December 3rd, 2006
1:51am
]

pxrxcowgirl
i remember when we had sex...it was exactly 11 months ago.  i remember how good it was.  but i also remember our lack of communication after...we never talked.  and i thought you didnt want me anymore.  but now here is sit, you telling me that was the last time you've had sex, and you want me and still dream about that night.  and i remember the hurt i felt.  but now i dont know how i feel.
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[Monday
October 30th, 2006
10:29pm
]

lonelyouthere
[ mood | exhausted ]

i remember seeing you for the last time, when you wrapped your arms around me and whispered that i was wonderful. i remember being surprised, and happy, and stuttering something completely awkward and not even coming close to conveying how much those words meant to me. i didn't understand then how much those words would come to mean to me--how when i was tired and defeated and overwhelmed and alone, i would lie in the dark and remember that somewhere someone thought that i was wonderful. i remember that you always knew my name and everytime you saw me you would actually stop your conversations with other people to greet me. no one had ever done that for me before. i remember that you always had a smile for me. we spent a couple of hours a week together for six weeks, in a class that was, at best, highly argumentative, and i remember that you listened when i spoke even when i spoke softly and even when we absolutely did not agree on any level. i remember your dimples and your eyes, and every time i see a tall skinny black-haired boy carrying a messenger bag, i have to stop myself from calling your name. i remember sitting in a tiny cafe unintentionally listening in to your conversation with another person about what life was like for you at home and feeling like maybe i understood you a little better, and maybe you were an even better person than i thought you were. i remember reading the poem you wrote and crying. i remember walking with you to the ratfactory in the sunshine talking about fight club. i remember watching you perform in henry v, and thinking that you were my favorite chorus member. i remember your freedom and your laughter, how completely open and unshy you are. i haven't seen you in years, i might never see you again, but you kept me from drowning. you still do. you have become a part of me. i never got to ask you if you really meant those words, but i like to imagine that you did. do i imagine that you loved me, or that i was in love with you? no. but you are special to me, and i will always, always remember you. i wish that i had thought to tell you that summer, that i thought you were wonderful, too.

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[Thursday
October 26th, 2006
2:27am
]

pxrxcowgirl
i remember howit ended. i remember the text while i was working, saying to check my email when i gothome. i remember asking why and you wouldnt tell me. but you told me it wasnt good. i remember reading it, and i remember how you told me how wonderful and beautiful i am, but that it wasnt enough. i remember you still wanting me to come to your place three days later to spend a week with you. and i remember crying and dying. i remember going, and i remember how much it hurt. i remember howmuch i loved being with you and touching you, but i remember how much i hated knowing that you weren't mine. and i still know that feeling.
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[Wednesday
October 25th, 2006
6:38pm
]

pxrxcowgirl
i remember pulling up and seeing your face in person for the first time.  i remember the knots in my stomach and the butterflies in my lungs keepingme from breathing completely.  I remember how happy i was.  I remember the awkwardness, the shyness that was between us.  And I remember the first hug.  It was perfect.  I remember coffee at Nina's, and the coolness, and the way we liked arms.  I remember the smile you put on my face.  I remember our first night together and how perfectly our bodies fit together as we slept.  But I also remember having to say goodbye the next day.  I remember our last hug of the day, our last kiss, and how hard it was.  I remember my inability to look out the back window as i was driving away, knowing I wouldnt leave if i did.  I remember the tears and the smiles.  I remember how much i loved you.
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[Saturday
July 15th, 2006
4:11am
]

magicianoffaith
[ mood | nostalgic ]

After reading through these, I decided there needed to be some happiness.


I remember how much it hurt... the guilt... the feeling that I had made the worst mistake of my life. But then... I remember the love. I remember how my mother layed with me and stroked my hair as I cried and repeated to me that it was the right choice. It was a good choice. I remember how my brother, my seemingly rude, mean, older brother who had never gotten along with me, took me out to eat and told me in specific detail why I had done the right thing. Right after, my best friend took me out to ice cream and consoled me. Then how my two other really close friends took me out to eat... And how one of my friends that was working gave me a free shake.

Now there... there is true love...

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[Friday
June 23rd, 2006
6:45pm
]

kirichan
I remember him screaming at my little sister, my only friend in the hell I called home. I remember seeing her "mistake" - she'd left the soda out on the counter, forgetting to put it back in the refrigerator when she was done with it. Ten-year-olds sometimes do that, you know. I remember stepping between them and feeling the alcohol rolling off him, shoving my little sister behind me and taking the blame.

It happened time and time again. I have never regretted it.
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[Friday
June 2nd, 2006
1:29pm
]

dreamkjan
[ mood | hopeful ]

I can still remember everything he said the day before everything changed. I can still remember our good times together. These memories are all that I have left of him. Why didn't I stop him? Why didn't I fight for him? Oh yes, I did my best to fight for our love. But I guess, my best wasn't good enough. I lost him. But is it for good? I don't know. All the hope that's left in me is slowly fading away. All the love I have for him is suddenly turning to hate. I remember asking God to give him to me. I guess, God has other plans for us...for me. I can still feel the pain of losing him here inside my heart. It's very hard to keep a straight smiling face, when all you wanted to do is cry...when deep inside your dying. Oh, I still love him. That's for sure. But I just want to be able to go through the day without any thoughts of him. I'm moving on. And I know that my happiness is just somewhere out there. God will give it to me. And I can't wait to meet him.

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[Tuesday
May 23rd, 2006
4:09pm
]

sawyerlove
I remember the night they split. Dad was supposed to leave. But he didn't. I remember waking up in my queen-sized waterbed that used to be my grandmother's next to my then-best friend and seeing the red and blue lights from outside. I remember kneeling on the bed and looking out the window. I remember seeing it closer to the neighbors side of the fence than ours so I thought it was for them. I remember my dad coming in a few minutes later and telling me it was for my mom. That she was "sick" and had to go to the hospital. I remember a few days later getting in the car to go pick her up and then turning around and staying home because my aunt picked her up and brought her there. It was August 7, 2001 when she left. She'd taken too many pills. She never came home. My parents split on 8/7/01 but divorced 7/31/02. I remember being scared but I never thought that it'd wreck my mind so much. I remember Mom's side and I remember Dad's side. I don't know which I believe.
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[Tuesday
May 23rd, 2006
4:06pm
]
x_night_lily_x
i remember my sister crying & yelling at her for it. then my dad opening the door & falling into the house. i remember him getting up & struggling to talk to us, his face half paralized. i remember calling my mom & her crying over the phone, & calling 911. i remember my sister's friends, there for her brithday party, running around the house, crying & confused. the ambulance coming & taking him away, & leaving me with all these thirteen year old girls. i remember going to see him in the hospital & crying when i left, out of fear of hospitals & seeing my dad so sick, & i remember him finally coming home, but never being the same as he was before.
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[Monday
May 15th, 2006
10:49am
]

iouu

this community is for those memories that we can't forget.
no matter how expilict, painful or haunting.

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